Khaki Confusion

Every magazine I've opened in the past few months has included an editorial screaming "Khaki is back! And it's sassy and stylish! Throw out all your denim! Wear full khaki outfits! GO BUY KHAKI."

When I worked at Starbucks I bought a pair of khaki shorts to augment my summer work wardrobe. The dress code there required black or khaki bottoms and I found a pair for 10 bucks at Nordstrom Rack and when I tried them on in the dressing room I shrugged and thought, "Well, they're not the worst shorts in the world."

Then I brought them home and realized I was wrong. They were the worst shorts in the world. They had a high waist and a bunchy crotch and the hem hit right above my knee and they made my ass look like a pancake battling severe depression.

Even my boyfriend, who is normally exceedingly supportive of every outfit, took one look at these shorts and said, "Really though?"

For awhile I wore them anyway because I always forgot to wash my work clothes. But eventually the weather got cooler and I quit Starbucks and I hung the Worst Shorts In The World in the back of my closet and forgot about them.

Cut to a few days ago. With visions of chic khaki editorial spreads dancing in my head, I took out the Worst Shorts In The World, hacked about 6 inches off the legs and cuffed 'em. Paired with a sparkly black tanktop and blue hoodie they were perfect for a long city walk with a friend and I felt like I had conquered the khaki trend on my own terms. I got a few compliments on my new look. I was pretty proud.

(Not me. But similar shorts.)

Later that night I went over to my brother's house to learn some new songs on his drum set. I was feeling really cool about mastering The Kink's "You Really Got Me" until I looked down and saw that my sassy khaki shorts had stretched out over the course of the day into saggy soccer mom culottes. Rockstar moment ruined.

This whole debacle got me thinking: Why must khaki always swing so violently from one end of the style spectrum to the other? Is there no middle ground between sassy chic and saggy soccer mom? How do you guys feel about the khaki trend, and khaki in general?

P.S. And how in god's name does one wear khaki in the summer and avoid mustard stains?